Intro

I intend to use this blog as a platform for my daily thoughts on a variety of topics. I welcome comments, objections, and questions.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Why Should We Be Honest: Revisited Again

In responding to an objection to my post (which is cross-listed on facebook) I ended up writing a lot more than I intended, even getting into the subject of white lies. Facebook has a character limit on its comments, so I figured it would be easiest to write it all out here. This is the objection that prompted this, from my friend Steve:

Interesting, but your example only works if a continual web of lies must exist. What if upon getting the job with your falsified resume, you are free from producing or maintaining any additional lies - that is, people accept that you are qualified and don't question it further, and your wife/friends/etc accept your lie to them that you "had a good interview" or "just was the man the company was looking for" and question you no further? Then you would gain from your lie as you would have your job and no web of lies to maintain, and as Jason previously said, even if you had to occasionally throw in a lie, there would be no threat of destroying your web of lies if you are a good enough liar.

I wrote that kind of quickly, but that's my objection. I would be interested to hear your view on white lies.
Here is my response.

It is true that a very good liar could maintain this system for quite some time, without getting caught. But the really important point is to look at what this does to HIS OWN relationship with reality. Rand is working from the metaphysical premise that reality is an absolute. That is, it harshly imposes a variety of conditions on him regardless of his intentions. Rand is essentially making the point that it is much easier to operate honestly, in accordance with the facts of reality, than to attempt to subvert it.

Try to place yourself in the scenario of the habitual liar. You have obtained a few material things - a job, income, etc. Would you really feel like you had achieved something? Did you create a value? Or are you simply a looter, a parasite? What will this elaborate fantasy do to your self-esteem? You can't actually create values, so you must pretend to be something you are not in order to swindle everyone? What does this do to your relationship with your loved ones? Do you really deserve the praise of your wife when she congratulates you on your promotion? And so on and so on.

The point is that we are not talking about the most efficient way to collect THINGS. We are talking about the best way to live as a human being, in accordance with the requirements of our nature. That is, we're not talking about how to preserve a basic sustenance in the short-term, but rather how to live a flourishing life in the long-term. That is really the key here. The primary reason why it seems difficult to abandon the idea of the effective manipulator is that most people (myself included) are thinking in terms of the range of the moment.

It's true that this liar may achieve a bit more short-term material comfort, but do you see how badly he has sabotaged himself in the long-term? He must keep up this charade his entire life, or else face the collapse of his pretense. Do you think this gets easier over time?

Ok. Imagine a man moving from swindle to swindle. Let's say that he even is able to increase the scale of his con as he progressively becomes a better liar. Can you imagine what he will actually feel at the end of his life? Do you sincerely think he will feel true pride at the sight of a great accomplishment? Or do you think that the years of pretending to himself and everyone around him will catch up with his sense of self-worth?

I really want for you to think about this not just in a hypothetical sense, but applied to your own life specifically. Can you imagine ever lying on such a scale and being truly successful? And don't just self-deprecate. Don't think to yourself, oh I couldn't possibly do it, but if someone has the genius to, more power to him. I highly doubt you think that. And is it out of some sense of duty to the truth that you feel that way, or a duty to others? Where does such a duty come from if there is no such thing as the divine?

No, I think that you would reject such a scheme through your own common sense conclusion that it would either fall apart or cause you incredible mental turmoil in the long-term.

No matter how hard we may want reality to be other than its not, the fact of the matter is that the truth exists independently of our wishes. Any attempt to subvert this fundamental fact is futile.

Now I'd like to move onto the subject of white lies. The idea that they should never be used is an extension of the principle that reality exists independently of our minds. A woman asking how she looks in a dress is either fat or fit, regardless of our statements. That being said however, it is obviously prudent to avoid needlessly insulting our friends and loved ones. So there are a couple of ideas to keep in mind regarding white lies.

First of all, it's not necessary to go around delivering unsolicited information to everyone you know. I can easily be friends with a person who I think has something they can improve in their life, because such things are irrelevant to the nature of our friendship, depending on its degree. We all have things we can improve in our life, and there's no need to constantly criticize others about their short comings. (Unless we are talking about a major character flaw, such as being an avowed Kantian :-P) But seriously, withholding your full opinion of another person, because it is not asked for, is not being dishonest.

But I suspect that you, and most other people, would agree with me up to this point. The really tough situations occur when another person asks you your opinion, and you know that your honest answer will hurt their feelings. The best example I can think of is when a loved one gives you a gift that you don't really like. I'm sure that all of us, at some point, have faked a sincere interest in a gift we have received. How can I tell a person, who had every good intention, that their thoughtful gift is of little interest to me? That doesn't seem right. So, not wanting to hurt their feelings, we lie.

Tara Smith argues in Ayn Rand's Ethics: The Virtuous Egoist (what started this whole discussion), that it is possible to tell the truth and not offend the other person's feelings. For example, a simple "thank you" or "I really appreciate your thoughtfulness" is more than enough to satisfy the situation. However, the person might ask you specifically what you think of the gift. Unless the person asks you specifically what your absolutely full opinion of the gift is, it's not necessary to divulge everything you are thinking. I would not consider that a white lie but rather an appropriate response based on the context. If all else fails, and the person wants to know absolutely everything you are thinking about that gift (which seems highly unlikely), I would sensitively let the person know that it's not exactly what I need/want, but I still really appreciate the thought.

I'm sure that there are a lot of other pertinent examples, but this is getting rather long, so I'll stick with just one more. What should you do when another person asks how they look either in a particular article of clothing or in general? Obviously, sensitivity is a must here. Having had serious issues with weight and physical appearance myself, I know how crushing a negative assessment of one's self can be.

Let's look at both situations separately. In the case of answering an opinion about an article of clothing, this does not seem difficult at all. In such a situation, I would say something like, " I do not think that is particularly flattering for you. I think you looked much better in X. But, that's just me." It's important to note that taste in regards to physical appearance and clothing varies, so I do not think it is problematic to let someone else know your opinion if asked. Furthermore, what benefit do you confer upon a person by lying to them about your opinion in this case? If your opinion of the garment ends up being widely shared, you have done this person a disservice by lying to them. The only concern should be avoiding the needless offense of their feelings. But, if you're sensitive as I described above, that shouldn't be a problem.

The latter situation, giving your opinion on a person's physical appearance in general, is obviously much more problematic. If we're dealing with something that can be changed, for example being overweight, I think it is important to tell the truth in a sensitive manner but stress the fact that the issue in question is a matter open to change. "Sure, you may be a little overweight right now but I know that you can improve that if you want to. I'd be happy to help in any way that I can, if you'd like." Unfortunately, there are too many people that would be shocked to hear something like this said to them. They would rather have their friends assist them in maintaining an illusion for their own pretense. Frankly, I do not want to be friends with people who consciously seek to delude themselves like that, and I will not like simply for their sake.

If however, we're dealing with a physical issue that cannot be changed, I would take the approach of deflecting the issue. For example, if someone asked me if I thought they were too short, I would say something like, "Well, you are a bit short, but who cares? I'm a bit A, B, or C myself. These things were never under our control. Besides, you're X, Y, and Z! (these being positive attributes, obviously)."

The fact of the matter is, I think that a healthy relationship between two people requires honesty. If I thought that my friends were shielding me from the truth about something, I would think that one, they have little respect for my ability to handle reality; and two, I would think that they have little respect for me. From that point on, I could not be sure whether they were being truthful with me or attempting a pleasant charade.

And ultimately, it all boils down to my perspective on our relationship between reality and ourselves. Since the truth is absolute, we must face it, even if at times it hurts our feelings. It makes sense to approach certain issues in a sensitive manner, but that does not change the fact that the truth must be faced.

If anyone can think of other problematic examples I'd be happy to field them.

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